Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
