I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
