Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
