Why are handjobs necessary in class?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize