Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
