somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Randomize
