YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
