what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
