one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
