Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
