I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Please don't give away my fajitas
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
