he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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