it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
