So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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