A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
