I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
