She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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