I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
