party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
We named our party play list daddy issues
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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