Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You can't just leave with hair like that
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
