What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
