There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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