Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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