Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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