the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
