I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
