wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
