There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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