So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize