I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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