I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
