Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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