dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Randomize
