Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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