He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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