I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
