my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
