I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
