he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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