I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
