She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
