My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Randomize
