he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
