There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
