he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
