I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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