I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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