So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
