I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I just gift wrapped bread.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
