I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
