I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Randomize
