Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I deserve this hangover.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
