you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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