I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
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