Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
