Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I'm way too hungover for life right now
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize