Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
