Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
