OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
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