Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
