just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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