At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
