I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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