Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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