oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Randomize