I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
