don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
