Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize