Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
